Dear Loyal Readers:
I’m suffering from a serious condition right now. It’s self-diagnosed, but I consider myself an expert in this area, so I am confident with my conclusions. I have L.S.S., also known as Listless Search Syndrome. It’s a chronic, nonfatal (that we know of) medical condition that affects men, women, and rocks alike. It is highly contagious and difficult to quarantine. There is currently no cure, only medicines and therapies to treat the symptoms. L.S.S. presents as a general malaise, most likely to occur during prolonged google searches and is especially acute at certain vocational settings, such as an office or cubicle. The patient’s malaise can progress, eventually culminating in painful episodes of listlessness, meaningless internet searches, and general disdain and avoidance of all behavior related to work.
I’ve decided to start a L.S.S. charity dedicated to research, education, and advocacy. This disease is serious, often undiagnosed, and is estimated to affect billions of people and rocks worldwide. Won’t you please help? Donations can be made by simply emailing me your bank routing and account numbers or mailing in your credit cards. All donations are tax-deductible.
President and Patient